I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
