I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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