I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
