just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
