Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
