Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
