He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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