I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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