I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
