I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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