New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
