I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
