True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
