Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
