yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
