Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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