Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
