wanna go halves on a baby?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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