When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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