i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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