That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
