He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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