i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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