The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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