cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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