I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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