My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
