Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
