omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm passing your future prison.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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