Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
