we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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