He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
