he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
