I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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