I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
