Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
