Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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