i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
