You smell like stripper and shame
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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