in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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