you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
