Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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