am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize