I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
