I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she pinky promised me she was 18
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
