I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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