I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
