I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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