u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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