that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
