if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
