This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
