she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
