I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
