The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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