Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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