Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
