i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
