I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
