I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
