We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Terrible idea I love it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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