so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
