He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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