i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
