They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
