Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
