So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
