Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
