I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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